Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
by meganzez
Summary: "They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Rose knows that's a lie and she is willing and ready to smack the next person who even thinks about uttering that sentence to her." Rose takes an introspective look into one of Earth's most common phrases while dealing with loss and love. One-shot. unbeta'd.


They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Rose thinks _'they'_ are wrong and she would very much like to ask the Doctor why people say that in the first place (she probably will later).

She hadn't noticed that anything was different (in regards to herself, anyway) until after she and the Doctor landed in the London Blitz and a bunch of gasmask zombies were asking about mums. She hasn't seen her mum in months. She hasn't _thought_ about her in weeks. What kind of person doesn't think about their mum every once in a while? Well, the type of person Rose is apparently doesn't.

No, Rose is too busy thinking about that gorgeous blue eyed and Northern Doctor. She likes the way he looks at her and the way he says her name (like he's in complete awe over her existence). She likes that he puts up with Jack flirting with her even though she knows it drives him spare (even if he would never admit it). She likes listening to him and Jack repair the time ship while bantering over proper wiring and spanning techniques. She thinks it's funny and it makes her heart ache because she is just so happy around him.

She loves the way his leather feels when he drapes his jacket over her shoulders when they land on a cold planet. She _really_ loves the way his firm bum sticks in the air when he bends down to pick up his sonic that the Tardis zapped out of his hands during repairs. There is just something about him that she loves.

She doesn't like it when he gets angry at her and yells at her, "You stupid ape! You could've gotten someone hurt!" She really doesn't like it when he's disappointed in her and says things like, "I should've known. It's not about showing you the universe. It never is. It's about what the universe can do for _you_."

But she thinks everything is just a little bit brighter when she apologizes and the Doctor takes his calloused hand and places it against her cheek (he holds her so gently she's afraid she might break). She loves it when he smiles at her and accepts her apology. She knows how patient he is with her and it makes her grateful (she lasted about five minutes as Adam's universal tour guide in comparison).

There. He's done it again! Made her forget about her mum. She misses her, Rose thinks, but not as much as she did at the start.

-:-

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Rose thinks 'they' are wrong and could use a stern talking to.

This new Doctor with a sexy smile and foxy hair makes Rose go mad, but she loves him. Really properly loves him. She really properly loved last him too, but she didn't realize it until he was gone (so she supposes that 'they' are right when they say that we don't realize what we have until it's gone).

This new Doctor is brown and rude and a people person (a little too much of a people person if you ask her). But at the end of the day he is still the same man that she fell in love with a lifetime ago. She still hates it when he's upset with her and loves it when she can make him laugh. She still thinks he has a really great bum and an ego as big as a planet. Now , though, she's just more aware of it.

Every few days or so he'll say or do something and she'll turn around and expect to see blue eyes and big ears instead of brown and cheeky. Like she'll say, "Fantastic!" and he'll reply with "Brilliant!" instead of repeating her. Or they'll go visit her mum and he'll tag along instead of repairing the Tardis. It only reminds her how not-domestic he used to be. But life moves on and Rose knows from experience that you must move on with it or be left behind.

She still thinks about last him from time to time. Nostalgia is great for rainy afternoons (or for what passes as such in the Tardis). But as everyday comes and goes quicker than she'd like, she finds that she thinks of past him less and less.

She asked the Doctor about this once. He had looked at her with such pride and adoration; so much so she had missed the first words of his babble.

"...the mere exposure effect. Brilliant actually. Can be applied to most any species in the universe and makes total sense as to why we like what we do. The more you're exposed to a stimulant the more you are drawn to it. The less time you spend around something the more you lose preference for it. You humans actually came up with the idea. It's brilliant! I love humans, you always manage to surprise me. Well, I say surprise... Hmm. Maybe I only like humans because I spend so much time around you. I ought to avoid you for a bit."

Of course, the Doctor has done the opposite of avoiding Rose. And, as the mere exposure effect states, Rose and the new Doctor continue to grow more and more fond of each other.

-:-

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Rose knows that's a lie and she is willing and ready to smack the next person who even _thinks_ about uttering that sentence to her.

And oh she doesn't want it to be a lie. She wants it to be true because she wants (_needs_) to get back to him. Damn this universe. Damn that lever for shifting. Damn those Daleks and those Cybermen, too! She misses him. She misses him more than she loves him (a feat she didn't think possible).

The dimension cannon isn't working and it's slowly killing her, she thinks. Already she's forgotten the sound of his voice, the way he gets so jealous but never acts on it, and the tune he hums quietly as he works under the console. She tries desperately to remember, but she forgets. And she knows she's forgotten. It's unclear which feels worse. Next she knows she will forget the shade of brown his suit is and the way his hand fits around hers.

She begins to think of him less and less. This whole past week, she woke up and her first thought was not of the Doctor. All yesterday she didn't think of him once (so what she was busy saving the world from little fat babies that were too cute to destroy).

Her mum is grateful. She thinks it's a blessing in disguise. _Maybe Rose will finally move on, settle down, have that white picket fence dream life_. No way, Rose thinks, too domestic. She knows she is forgetting him. She knows she will have no choice. And she knows she is not going down without a fight.

So the world moves on and so does Rose (because there is nothing worse than being left behind). And slowly (but surely) Rose forgets the Doctor. Not completely, of course. She could never completely forget him. But she's forgotten the way he smells, the exact shape of his face, and how rude he could be. She's forgotten how fast he could run, the sound of his laugh, and how he loved the Tardis more than anything.

But she will always remember the idea of him. She'll always remember that she once felt so strongly for him. She'll always remember a time in her life when just the thought of him would make her burst into tears. She'll always remember how surprised she was when her mum mentioned the Doctor breaking the toaster and, instead of crying, she'd laughed.

She'll always remember that the Doctor exists and he is a large part of her life (but life moves on and she knows she can't be left behind).

So she forgets and moves on too. She thinks about Tony and Mickey and Pete and her mum. She wonders how Jake is doing and if he ever sealed the deal with that Owen Harper bloke. She leads humanity to safety when a warmongering alien species called the Sontaricks attack Pete's World by using poisonous gas. She helps design the planet's first moon base.

And when her mum would ask about her personal life, Rose would always shrug and spout off a million and one reasons why she doesn't have time for a boyfriend. Those same nights Rose would go home and forget a little bit more about the Doctor (but never completely).

She will always remember the day the cannon began to work. She'll always remember her anxiety and hope and love and fear and nearly every emotion warring inside her. She won't ever forget the look on his face when he turns around and sees her standing on the same road he is on.

And despite the Daleks, despite the missing planets, and despite the stars going out, Rose remembers how he takes his tea and how he says her name and how much she loves him.

-:-

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and Rose thinks there might be a kernel of truth hidden under layers of lies.

Of course, she ponders (as she looks at her new husband playing with her little brother in the yard), it's not the absence itself that makes the heart grow fonder. That's rubbish. Absence makes you forget and forces you to move on. It heals your wounds (as time tends to do) and opens doors to new possibilities, but it never ever makes your heart grow fonder.

And how could it?

It's not until you find your way back that you realize how much you've missed him. Rose knows this from experience. She knows that the second you see the person you're missing, everything comes rushing back.

The way he smells, the way he laughs, the way his round bum sticks in the air when he bends to pick something up, the way he says her name, the way he is so rude, and the way his ego is bigger than a planet. And she knows that she never really forgot these things, they were just pushed away for a while. Just like she never forgot her mum while out travelling and just like she never forgot ol' blue eyes while with brown eyes and just like she will never forget the two-hearts Doctor while with the one-heart Doctor.

Once you realize how much you've missed him, you add that to how much you love them, and it certainly seems like you've grown fonder.

Rose thinks 'they' should change the saying. It doesn't make sense the way it is. It should go: absence-does-not-make-the-heart-grow-fonder-but-it -does-pave-the-way-for-a-deep-sense-of-loss-and-lo ve-that-will-be-simplified-as-time-moves-forward-a nd-it-only-seems-like-your-heart-has-grown-fonder- if-you-are-lucky-enough-to-be-reunited-otherwise-y ou'll-just-forget.

No, Rose muses (as her Doctor comes running over to show her his _very human bruise_ he got while playing with Tony and _won't you kiss it better?_), it sounds best the first way.


End file.
